juuhachi_go: <ashe/basch> one last time (01)
[personal profile] juuhachi_go
Japanese II is in two days, more or less, I just can't bring myself to finish the last batch of characters. I feel so bored and fed up with everything. Aaand it's not the right time to, I guess, but I'm rewatching Charmed for the first time, in English, since I was nine. I was expecting myself to say "it's so cheesy and 90s, what was I thinking, my childhood memories are ruined now", but... I'm loving it even more now. The acting is so good, and I am realising the show is the first thing I used to fangirl about, other than Sailor Moon, before even knowing what fangirling was in the first place. Every episode makes my stomach knot with nostalgia and feelings, it feels so strange - I swear I remember some episodes so vividly, and it's like meeting old friends again.

I've never mentioned anywhere that Prue was, like, one of my childhood role models, and one of my favourite characters ever. I am so happy to discover that Doherty's acting made her justice - the Italian dub was cheesy to say the least, not that I could notice it back then. I just love how strong and determined she was, not to mention the firstborn-daughter sense of responsibility that I used to admire so much in her, and of which I completely lack. She really was my favourite sister of the lot, not to mention her relationship with Andy - now I realise I used to ship them like BURNING (the snappy remarks, the on-off thing, the fact that they were childhood sweethearts, the way they pictured them, non-sugary and with a touch of angst and occasional humor... OKAY, I WAS A TWISTED NINE-YEAR OLD), and seeing that Andy died in season one already made me feel traumatised all over again, I swear I remember he died way later T__T.
I don't think I ever got over Prue's death, you know? I vaguely remember I watched s4 mostly for the Cole storyline (SURPRISE!! I LOVED IT TO DEATH EVEN WHEN I WAS A CHILD, HOW UNEXPECTED) but I couldn't warm to Paige and I lost interest in the show because it didn't feel the same to me without Prue... so now watching s2 is becoming a quite painful business because I don't want to go through s3 knowing that she's going to die ;____;! Well, at least now I have what it takes to fanfic my way out of this - I mean, I'm having so many Charmed feelings right now (more specifically, Prue feelings XD) it's embarassing. Yesterday I was watching season 2 episode 1, in which she's trying to cope with the aftermath of Andy's death and fails to vanquish a demon. When her sisters try to confront her on the matter, Prue completely snaps - here's the script:

Piper: Prue, what happened up there?

Prue: Nothing.

Phoebe: Yeah, nothing is exactly the problem.

Prue: I never said that I had the power to go against him. You did, remember?

Phoebe: No, the Book of Shadows did.

Prue: Well, maybe it was wrong. Maybe Abraxas is just too strong.

Piper: Maybe, but that doesn’t explain why you hesitated.

Prue: I didn’t hesitate.

Phoebe: The hell you didn’t Prue. I saw you.

Piper: We both saw you.

Prue: So, what are you saying? This is my fault, is that it? Because I can’t defeat Abraxas?

Phoebe: No, Prue, you can. You just won’t. Okay, something is holding you back. Something big time and instead of facing it, you’re running from it.

Piper: Phoebe....

Phoebe: But you can’t keep running, Prue. Because you have got to figure out what your problem is, otherwise we're all dead.

(Prue starts to cry.)

Prue: That’s right, Phoebe. It’s my responsibility, isn’t it? The oldest sister, always supposed to be able to figure things out. Well, if that’s the case, then how come I couldn’t save Andy? If I’m supposed to be so powerful, how come I couldn’t save him? I mean, my god, don’t you understand? Andy died because of me, it doesn’t matter what he said, it was my fault. How could it be good to be witches if all it does is get the people we love killed?

(She cries.)

I know, it's Charmed and not Freud or anything, but... when she started sobbing, saying "It's my responsibility, isn't it?" it took me a few seconds to realise that my vision was blurry because I had tears streaming down my face. I had to stop the video because I was sobbing, and I felt so ashamed because come on, it's not Battlestar Galactica. And still, it must've struck a chord somewhere - which is proof that there is a lot more to this show than meets the eye. That, or my inner self is nine years old.
Among other things, I'm re-discovering Phoebe. Alyssa Milano's acting is great, she feels so natural, and Phoebe as a character is brilliant and hilarious, yet she has such a solemn aura sometimes that I overlooked during my first watch long ago XD. I love how she manages to make mistakes, yet sounding like the most committed and compassioned witch of the three sometimes. Awww. This is killing me all right, I should stop digging into my childhood - it makes me feel old, as if I couldn't enjoy new fandoms, not really. I WANNA WRITE LOTS OF FICS THO #NOTEVENSORRY #WHATDIDYOUEXPECT

I so feel the urge to kick Doherty's ass, why did she have to be such a whiny ass and quit the show? WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND CHARACTERS I LIKE, WHY DO THEY HAVE TO END UP DEAD FOR ONE REASON OR THE OTHER?
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